An Introvert in Booklandia

As a clinician, I took pride in the way I interacted with my patients. They might arrive nervous, but they left my office feeling like they were in good hands. When I taught graduate students the physiology of the human ear or the ins and outs of cochlear implantation, I had no problem. My job was to communicate information or demonstrate a skill that I had mastered. Though never extraordinary, I was competent and confident. Being an extrovert helped me be a better clinician and teacher, or so I thought.

But I’ve begun to question whether I am truly an extrovert.

I recently attended an event with my publisher, Sibylline Press. We authors were supposed to mingle with people near our table and generally promote our books and the publisher without appearing to do so. I wasn’t nervous ahead of time. But, Yikes! When I had to actually do it, I froze up. I could barely make myself speak! I stood back, stiff, blushing and watched how others were doing it. What they said, their body language. It looked so easy! But I absolutely could not do it myself. My panic didn’t help the situation. I hadn’t felt this awkward since puberty!

Later, I realized that even though I’ve taken lots of writing classes and my debut novel is coming out in March, I don’t have as much confidence in myself as a “writer” as I had in myself as an Audiologist. I may never feel as confident in my writing as I was in hearing healthcare. Imposter syndrome is real.

I’m facing a book launch and numerous other book promotion events in the coming year where I will be expected to present, take questions and (gulp) mingle. I need a strategy so that I don’t freeze up again. My old mindset as “the confident expert”, does not carry over into my new endeavors.

I need a different mindset. One of curiosity and a sense of wonder. Now that I think about it, that’s the state of mind that helped me adapt to life and work in New Zealand, South Korea and Singapore. I asked myself, “What can I learn from this experience? What interesting people will I meet?” It was scary at first but always ended up being wonderful. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll pretend I’ve just taken a job in a new country. I’ll call it Booklandia and I’ll be relaxed and articulate. . . and my face won’t turn red at all.